rainbow ice cream

on dating and sexuality: tricky tricky.

I will be 29 in May.
In my 29 years of life, I have had crushes on people since I was in kindergarden. (His name was Cristopher. He was dreamy. I once bathed in baby oil to make my skin soft so he would notice. He didn't.) [Long rant about my dating life.]
I've casually dated about two people. I say two because I can only remember one, it only lasted like a month, and we turned out to be better friends than girlfriends.
I've had a few friends with benefits situations, most of which were wildly unhealthy situations that I should have known better than to get into in the first place. But hey, a girl's gotta learn sometime.

Now almost everyone I know is getting married/already  married/ in a commited relationship, and all the parties I attend are everyone partnered up. In both of my social circles. Literally almost everyone. And I, who have wanted to be in a relationship since kindergarden, am still single. Whenever people ask me, I always respond with "I have a cat!" and while my cat is freaking adorable, he is not a boyfriend. He's a fluffy needy baby who likes to use my pants as scratching posts.

So here's my sitch. I am bisexual. What is that, you might ask? (Some people don't know. Don't judge. We don't know how long they've been out of their cave.) It means I am attracted to both men and women. It does NOT mean I sleep abashedly with everything that moves. (People have mistaken that.) It also doesn't mean, in my case, that I will date a man and a woman at the same time. I am, as far as I can tell, fairly monogomous, I just don't really care what genetalia my romantic partner has. Though in my case, I do rather prefer my ladies to look like ladies and my men to look like men.
I also am not directly on the middle of the spectrum. (Fun fact: most people aren't. Nor are most people all one way or the other.)

I prefer women ,a lot of the time. If Tom Hiddleston appeared and asked me for my hand in marriage, you betcha I would say yes. Ditto Darren Criss. Or that cute (but married) guy who I saw at the library the other day. But overall, I am more comfortable with women, I am more interested in dating women. In fact right now, I don't really feel like dating men at all. If the right guy stumbled into my path, yeah, sure, I'd definitely give him a shot, but I don't want to actively seek out dating men.

My problem is I live in St Cloud, Minnesota, where the dating pool of women my age are basically zero. St Cloud is a rather conservative town. I have lots of lovely friends up here who don't give two fucks about my sexuality, and would gladly accept anyone I decided to date. Same with my friends in the cities. I am very lucky to have good friends and family who are open-minded and want me to be happy.
So there aren't really many women to date in this area. And I'm not very interested in dating men right now. I wish I could, honestly, because that would make dating a lot easier, but sadly, that's not how sexuality works.

How do I go about dating? Online dating freaks me out, but I'm willing to give it another try. Definitely not going to go the bar route. I'm going to try some community ed classes, see if I can meet new people that way, but the average age of people who attend community ed classes is much older than me.

I thought about trying a paid dating serivce. Do you know "It's Just Lunch" charges two grand to set you up on dates, but it doesn't have to be a lot of them? For that money, I could go to Hawaii and lay on the beach for a month.

I am open to ideas, people. More though, I am open to you sending tons and tons of good energy my way. I have always held the belief that when the time was right, when I was in a good place in my life and ready, someone would come into my life that I'm meant to spend the rest of my life with. I just need to find that person. Or that person needs to find me. I need to find ways to speed that finding process along.

Even Bridget Jones, Queen of the Singletons, wasn't single forever.