I'm considering making a wordpress. There is nothing wrong with LJ, really, except I've had this since high school, and most of my RL friends blog on wordpress. Plus there's the nifty "subscribe to email" feature which lets my words of wisdom be delivered to your inbox post haste. Maybe I'll do two?
Christmas is upon us, Dear Readers. I'm going out of my mind with financial stress. I'm headed back to my parents' place tonight, to eat spicy thai soup and pet the dog. Then tomorrow it's off with parentals, Sister, and Sister's Bearded Boyfriend to Grandma's house for presents and good food.
I already miss Kanye. He was super cuddly this morning, like he knew I was going away. Kitty Conceirge will be looking in on him, but still. What if they don't play with him? What if he eats through those two massive bowls of food I left out for him? What if the building gets hit by a rogue comet?
I have a personal victory to share with the class. It may not seem big, but to me, it's huge. Back when I lived with The Girls, I joined Anytime Fitness. You know, the tiny little 24 hour gym? Our apartment was right down the street from it. Except then I moved, and moved again, and stopped going to the gym. I wish I could blame it on the move. Mostly, it's due to my own laziness and dislike of working out in public. Apparently, Anytime Fitness auto-enrolls you after your term of membership is up, so here I am, two years later, still paying for Anytime Fitness which I haven't been to in ages. And that shit is expensive.
Today, I worked on my nerves, and called them and very politely told them I had to cancel, because my building has a gym. And you know what? They did it. No fuss. No cajoling. She was very friendly. I AM SO RELIEVED. That had been weighing on my mind for ages!
Now I just have to get the rest of my clusterfuck finances in order, and begin to actually save money, instead of bleeding it all over the place.
I was eavesdropping around the table at my company lunch at Green Mill this afternoon (hellooooo, delicious pizza), and someone mentioned that soon, the cacao bean will become no more. By the year 2020, we may not have chocolate. Ditto tomatoes from South America.
Is this true? According to The Atlantic, it's true, and we may as well all take off for the hills now, because a world without chocolate? Not worth living.
Good things about the week: -Been on the treadmill three times! Score! -Free pizza from el boss -party w/ Cirien tomorrow. -my hair looks good, even though I didn't put any product in it this morning -All my Christmas presents are almost wrapped -bacon -Kylee sent me 8 boxes of white fudge covered Oreos. There are now 7 boxes.
Not so great things: -I am super full right now. (See above: pizza.) -A half a tank of gas is supposed to last me through next week. Yeah right. -NO CHOCOLATE. -I'm durn tired, even though I slept 12 hours last night. I blame the food though.
1) Every time I'm on 94, right before I get to the exit I take to get to my apartment, I pass a sign that says "174 miles to Fargo", and every time I think "I could just keep going. Wouldn't that be fun?" So My Lovely Sister and I are going to roadtrip to Fargo, ND, because we can. There's a German beer hall where we'll stop for lunch, and then come back. I'M SO EXCITED.
2) Speaking of roadtrips, My Lovely Cirien and I are going to roadtrip from Phoenix (where she is moving soon) to California. Maybe all the way up the coast. I'm ridiculously excited.
3) Cirien decided that January is for cleansing, so we're both going to work really hard to cook all our own foods. And I'm going to work really hard to get on the treadmill at least 3 times a week. So then, when we want to hike all over California, I won't be totally dying all the time. *thumbs up*
4) I'm eating Cirien's leftover chicken pot pie right now. It's fucking delicious. Emma Krumbees is the best.
5) I've realized that I've sort of fallen into a rut. Go to work, go home, watch movies, sleep. On weekends, go visit people in the cities. Rinse, repeat. It's time to shake things up a bit. Have an adventure. Do something exciting. I haven't had a vacation in ages. So I'm hoping this Fargo roadtrip will be the first of many.
i'm feeling a bit sad today. a bit un-Ariel. nothing is wrong, exactly, i just... had a conversation with an old friend/lover, and it left me sad. not because we are no longer lovers. it's good that we aren't. it would be impossible anyway, given the distance between us. i'm just sad that we aren't such good friends anymore. we used to talk about everything, and get super excited about things, and just geek out constantly. now i'm lucky if we manage our hellos.
i feel like my ability to get super excited about things has diminished. whether it's due to my age, or my weight, or just life, i don't know. but it sucks. i loved the giddy feeling of being excited. it's just not there anymore. not about anything. the closet i came to touching it again was when i marathoned all of the mindy project in the space of a weekend. now that i'm back to watching it on an episode by episode basis, it's not as exciting. (or maybe it's because danny and mindy hooked up. whatever.)
i don't know. i don't think it's depression, because a) i'm medicated, and b) i'm generally rather happy overall. i just am missing my spark. my jest. i feel like i lost it after i left college, or hell, maybe after undergrad, and haven't managed to find it again. maybe i never well. maybe it was just youth.
One of my favorite good friends (who shall remain nameless) recently started blogging for mental health. And she is a freaking genius. So although nothing is particularly wrong in my life, I will try to blog more, because blogging is good for the soul. And of course, I don't want to keep all my adoring fans in the dark. (Or not.)
This morning, I made it to work on time by the grace of my cat, Kanye, who, 20 minutes before I was supposed to leave, decided that walking on my head and meowing was a good idea. Apparently I hadn't actually hit the start button on my alarm clock last night. Oops. So kudos go out to him for saving my forgetful ass.
I am trying a new workout routine which involves a) the new Six to Start app "Superhero Workout", and also walking on the treadmill a few times a week while listening to "Zombies, Run!". (Eventually, with time and considerable effort, I'm hoping that walking will turn into running. Or at least jogging.
I've gained like 20 lbs. This is not okay. I almost had a freaking breakdown at my grandma's the other day when I stepped on her scale and 267 stared back at me. It's the heaviest I've ever been. None of my clothes look very good, but I can't afford to buy new ones. Plus I just FEEL bad, physically, because I'm so out of shape and fat. Time to change.
I love love love my new job! Being a librarian is definitely where I am meant to be in life.
I feel like a quilt. Over the 8 months I was unemployed, I started to become unraveled, to fray at the edges, to look tattered and worn and sad.
Now i'm employed again, in a job that I love, and I moved to a brand new town where I can start over. I'm slowly putting myself back together, but it's taking time, and it's taking money.
I've had the same too-big, scratched up pair of enormouos nerd glasses forever. I finally purchased two new pairs of glasses, really good ones with protective coating and everything. (My lenses, because my eyes are so fucked up, cost mucho mucho money.) I feel like this is an important thing, good for my self esteem, good for my eyeballs, but my wallet hurts a bit.
I have this grown up fancy adult job that pays really well, and I'm still scrambling to get by, because relocating costs a lot of money, and my fabulous little run in with my car and a garage door cost me a lot of money, and I really need to stop eating out and start cooking. (Although I've gotten loads better on that front!)
I am trying to believe that in a few months I'll have money saved up, stop living quite so paycheck to paycheck, pay off my debts, blah blah.
But there are still a lot of things I want/need. A new haircut, so my head doesn't look like a hairball. Some professional tops, so I don't wear the same stripped shirts all the time.
Need to go to the gym again. Need to finish my NaNo novel. Need to find more social things to do in St Cloud, start "putting down roots" as my mother would say.
Lots of things I need to do, and it all takes time. I should learn to be more patient. Ah, the joys of living in a world with instant gratification.
I'll admit it. I thought Snowpiercer was just weird.
It had good points, but overall, I didn't care for it much.
And the ending? The girl and the boy, neither of whom had ever been outside the train, and one of who was a drug addict, go out into the frozen tundra and see a polar bear. And that's supposed to represent hope? Awesome. Except 1) in a world that has no food, that polar bear is goign to turn those two kids into lunch real fast. And 2) They won't survive the night! They'll freeze to death. Niether of them have been on their own, much less had to survive in the harshness of winter.
Chris Evans I liked, except for the bit where he went on this "everyone was chopping off their arms, except me, but that made me a worse man" schpeel, which seemed to come out of nowhere and was rather dumb. Sounded far too forced to me.
And EVERYONE DIED. Literally like everyone except two people died in this movie. Even the hot Irish guy.
Tilda Swinton's character was AMAZING. She basically made the whole movie. Her, and the hot tattooed guy. Otherwise, it was violence violence, random complaining, violence with a teeny tiny bit of "hmm, world building? interesting society concept?"
I've never read the book (short story?) it's based on, so maybe that's really good and the movie would make more sense. I don't know. As someone who loves science fiction/apocalypse stories, this one was a disappointment.
That is all
And in other news, I am almost at 15k words in NaNo. Haven't touched this journal in a while. Sorry. I should really update more. Because, you know, my life is so interesting. #nope
I've been re-listening to the Student Prince, which, for those of you who DON'T obsess over podfics, is a reimagined Arthurian legend based on the tv show Merlin. Where Merlin and Arthur are students at a univeristy. Anyway, it's like 15 hours long, and glorious.
One of the big scenes in the fic is where they all play drinking games, and get super sloshed, and lots of people make out, and sexytime happens. And it got me thinking. I never really got that college experience. For me, "parties" during college were a bunch of girls watching Star Trek on a Saturday night. Not that it was bad. I had a blast! But now that I'm listening to someone else's (fictional) account of drinking games, I want to play.
There are a few problems. 1) I'm 27. Is that too old? I asked my endlessly wise sister, and she said "no! We're the generation of drinking games!" which made me happy. But still, I feel like most people stop playing games in college. I am now a post-grad adult with a job. Should I be playing them still? (Please say yes.)
2) All the games in the story are labeled "risque" drinking games. They sound SUPER FUN. Such as: a) the matchmaker game (put a tiny donut on the end of a chocolate matchmaker, and then pass it around from mouth to mouth, biting off the end of the matchmaker as you go. Whoever gets the donut at the end wins. Whoever drops the donut takes a drink.) or b) jello shot competition (three jello shots are placed on someone's bare stomach and someone else, blindfolded, and without using their hands, has to eat the jello shots off the first person) or c) 3D twister (instead of putting your hands/other body parts on colored circles, you put your hands/other body parts on other people's body parts.)
FUN!!! Except the problem is everyone I know is at the age where they are starting to get married/be in serious relationships/ blah blah blah. No one wants to play risque drinking games where they have to grab the ass of someone else/almost kiss someone else NOT their S.O when their S.O is in the room. Because apparently Non-Singletons don't do that, or something. *waves Singleton flag meekly*
3) Most of the people I hang out with are women, or men married to my women friends. And while I have no problem getting cozy with women, a lot of my friends are straight, so that doesn't help.
Sadface. I guess that's what reading is for. To do things I can't normally do in real life.
I kind of have it in my head that I want to fix my life. There isn't anything drastically wrong with it. Exept I'm unemployed, don't know how to clean, and live an inactive, unhealthy lifestyle. So maybe there is something wrong with my life.
So here are the things I suddenly have decided I should do. These are not new. I have mentioned them a ton before, but never managed to inact them. (Until now?)
-Do some form of exercise every day. Walk? Video? Strength building? All good. -Cook more meals! I eat out a lot. A LOT. Which is not good for my health or my wallet. Especially not my wallet. -I'm considering activating the 6 month free trial to Women's Health that I got with my Birchbox. Or seeing if they have any copies of the Women's Health magazines at the library. Just to, you know, figure out what the hell healthy women do. -Stay positive! I have this horrible streak of thinking I am not good enough, or weird, or less than others. Fun fact: I'm awesome. I should remember this.
I spent the weekend with my sister as we went to all the various events for my long time friend Lauren's wedding. (The wedding was awesome, btw.) But Heather is always really good at reminding me not to be down on myself. So she has sort of inspired me to try new things. Also, I spent the weekend with a whole lot of people who have their shit together, and that made me feel inadequete. So enough of feeling like that!!
My long-time friend's wedding is in 2 weeks, and getting into my dress is tight. So i am hoping to super-slim down, eat lots of meats/veggies/shakes/whatever and not a lot of grains or carby things. Also, to do the dreaded exercise, so that I can maybe build up enough stamina to dance for more than 30 seconds without going "fuck, I think I'll just grab another drink and sit down."
Lunch was a success. I sauteed lots of spinach and garlic. Dinner was not so successful. We went to BDubs. But I have plans for tomorrow that involve more meats, eggs, etc. However, dinner was delicious. :)
Life is good otherwise. Found some cool jobs to apply for. Got the cats a new scratchy pad. Started playing Fallout: New Vegas. Almost finished with my tutor training. :)