normal is boring


welcome to my soul

please leave a penny in the box

a list of things i should do (with my life)
horray for me
I kind of have it in my head that I want to fix my life.
There isn't anything drastically wrong with it. Exept I'm unemployed, don't know how to clean, and live an inactive, unhealthy lifestyle.
So maybe there is something wrong with my life.

So here are the things I suddenly have decided I should do. These are not new. I have mentioned them a ton before, but never managed to inact them. (Until now?)

-Do some form of exercise every day. Walk? Video? Strength building? All good.
-Cook more meals! I eat out a lot. A LOT. Which is not good for my health or my wallet. Especially not my wallet.
-I'm considering activating the 6 month free trial to Women's Health that I got with my Birchbox. Or seeing if they have any copies of the Women's Health magazines at the library.  Just to, you know, figure out what the hell healthy women do.
-Stay positive! I have this horrible streak of thinking I am not good enough, or weird, or less than others. Fun fact: I'm awesome. I should remember this.

I spent the weekend with my sister as we went to all the various events for my long time friend Lauren's wedding. (The wedding was awesome, btw.) But Heather is always really good at reminding me not to be down on myself. So she has sort of inspired me to try new things. Also, I spent the weekend with a whole lot of people who have their shit together, and that made me feel inadequete. So enough of feeling like that!!

Fingers crossed, aminos.
We totally got this.

I have a goal, or something.
tom riddle fierce
My long-time friend's wedding is in 2 weeks, and getting into my dress is tight.
So i am hoping to super-slim down, eat lots of meats/veggies/shakes/whatever and not a lot of grains or carby things.
Also, to do the dreaded exercise, so that I can maybe build up enough stamina to dance for more than 30 seconds without going "fuck, I think I'll just grab another drink and sit down."

Lunch was a success. I sauteed lots of spinach and garlic.
Dinner was not so successful. We went to BDubs. But I have plans for tomorrow that involve more meats, eggs, etc.
However, dinner was delicious. :)

Life is good otherwise. Found some cool jobs to apply for. Got the cats a new scratchy pad. Started playing Fallout: New Vegas. Almost finished with my tutor training. :)

Positivity! Yay!

Slightly faltering: a complaining list
eat laser obiwan
-All of my pants have holes in them.
-It's so muggy outside I'm sweating like some sort of farm animal. I have to walk to Target in a few minutes. I might melt into a puddle on my way there. If that's the case, it's been nice knowing all of you.
-My bedroom quite literally has no walking floor space. My own fault, yes, but it's still annoying.
-I am the worst at managing money.
-Consequently, I have no money to buy the new clothes I want that AREN'T full of holes.
-Everyone is getting married/engaged and I can only go to one person's stuff because I don't have a car and can't fucking get anywhere. Sorry, everyone else.

Also, I'm hungry, and I am definitely getting a coffee during my Target run, because I FUCKING WANT ONE.

Grumpypants, signing off.

Book I need to read, and rather soon:
green dress
1) Mockingjay (the movie is coming, and I haven't read it yet!!)
2) Life After Life
3) Robogenesis
4) In Cold Blood (in the middle of this!)
5) Acceptance (not actually out yet, but I still want to read it RIGHT NOW.)
6) Bone Dance (saw Emma Bull at CON, super excited to read.)
7) How To Survive A Sharknado (should be coming in the mail today!)

Got other suggestions? Put them in the comments.

con hangover.
This past weekend was Minnesota's premier scifi/fantasy con, CONvergence. I went. All 4 days. I hung out with friends, with Sister. I spent ridiculous amounts of money on food and costuming pieces and trinkets.

I am so incredibly peopled out right now.

As CON usually goes, there was a fair amount of drama. (That's what happens when you mix geeks and alcohol.) There was a ton of walking. Walked more this past weekend than I have in forever, and my legs are STILL sore. I didn't actually drink very much at all, but the overabundance of people and general lack of sleep make me feel hungover even now. I took a nap for a few hours when I got home yesterday, and then couldn't fall asleep until ridiculously early this morning. Whoops. That's what fanfiction on my phone is for, I guess.

Yoga Quest happened this weekend, and I very much hope it happens a whole bunch more, because it was amazing. it also made me want to start reading Destiel fics. Whoops. Made me miss my Katherine quite a bit who, excellently, is coming up in August to visit family and most importantly me!

Life has been life, and I don't totally want to gab about it just now, so.... I shall sign off.

X-Men: Days of Future Past (a review)
eat laser obiwan
Just got back from seeing X-men. I figured i have a car here, I have the day off, why not take myself to a movie? I make an excellent date.
Yes. A review.
Here goes. Spoilers abound, folks.

I liked the original ones (except for the third, which was shit.) But I am liking the reboot even better. Love love loved that Wolverine got tons of screen time because he was amazing.
Quicksilver was AMAZEBALLS. I hope he shows up a whole bunch in the next movie because he was basically perfect. Although I guess they couldn't keep him young and hot in the next one, could they? Sadface. Still. Adored.

I liked that they kept the cast from the originals too. Halle Berry, James Marsden, blah blah.
It was especially great to see my two favorite bros on screen, only the greatest bro-mance of all time, Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan. Seriously. Love. I will admit that my fangirl heart ships Magneto/Prof X like whoah-ski. Their little "I wish we had more years together" line only fueled that.

Hugh Jackman's ass. Nuff said.

I was a little bummed they put Jennifer Lawrence in a body suit. Not because I wanted to ogle her delicious bod (although I did), but because it just didn't look as cool as the first movie when it was all paint. The definition of skin vs body suit was visible, and that annoyed me.

Peter Dinklage! I had totally forgotten he was in this until I got to the theater. He is good in everything. Ever. I worship the ground he walks on.

The chick who could create portals? AWESOME. I would like more of her please and thank you.

I stayed for the clip at the end, which (I asked around) is someone named Apocalypse. For a second, I thought it would be some fabulous Stargate crossover, and nearly peed my pants, but alas, that was not the case.

My rating? 5 out of 5 Evil Porn-stachioed Tyrions.

Well done, Marvel. You continue to entertain.

Weird dreams.
colin morgan
I have had some vivid dreams the past two nights, and I figured I would write them down here incase anyone was particularly good at interpreting dreams.

Last night's dream:

My parents were pushing me to move out of Max's house (my current housemate) and into my own apartment. I found this apartment that was fucking awesome, and, because it was a dream, kind of weird. Like the bathroom was super dark and partly made out of sand, and HUGE, and in order to get to the bathtub (which was big enough to fit several people and had a one of those rain simulating spouts) I had to walk across a narrow, winding pipe. One of my concerns was that I am afraid of heighs and not very coordinated, and while touring the place my mom tried to cross it and nearly fell several times, so I knew I would have to get that replaced with a more sturdy, wide bridge.

The rest of it was pretty standard, although it was really big. My parents were encouraging me not to get a TV. This place had 2 full sized fridges, and someone voiced a concern that it would up the energy bill. The most impressive thing was the apartment facilities. There was sort of an open air stadium seating movie theater with multiple screans and the HUGE comfy reclining chairs, where tons of the residents were watching the soccer matches. There was also a pool. A really massive one with tons of chairs around it.

The rent was $900/ month, which I could never afford on my own, but which, for a place like that, was amazing. I also remember I had to sign a 3 year lease.

So yes. What does all of this mean? I don't know. Help.

Dream from two nights ago:
My parents were, for some reason, having George R.R. Martin over for dinner. As in the author of the Game of Thrones series. So of course, I had to invite Caitlyn over. I kept frantically trying to call her. At one point, my friend Tom called me, and she sounded a lot like Caitlyn, so I was inviting her over, and then realized too late that oops, not actually Caitlyn, but I didn't want to be a dick and recind my offer, so I let it stand, and went back to trying to call Caitlyn. I must have at some point gotten through to her, because she did eventually show up, and I introduced them with a cool "Caitlyn, this is George."

I remember Heather (sister) had invited a lot of people, and there were just tons of people milling about all over the place. I did manage to get seated next to Mr Martin though at the dinner table.

What does this meaaaaaaan? Is it just fun? Whenever I stay at my parents' place, I have very vivid dreams. So that's two now. Let's see what else this week brings. I know the summer solstice is coming up, so it could be the universe is trying to get messages across. I should do some serious meditation this week too. 

head explode.
i think this sitting around the house day after day, checking job boards, with nothing to do and no good way to fill my time is slowly starting to drive me mad.
i can see what i want to do.
see myself in that job.
but its not available. the only thing i've gotten in a month is rejection letters.
i don't know what else to do.
i'm starting to go crazy.
feel worthless.

this is the step i am not supposed to take. i can't give up. but what else am i supposed to do? i asked to volutneer in the st paul library system, and all i got was a flyer asking me to volunteer for one specific event. so i guess i'll do that. it's all networking, right?
what do i do when my unemployment runs out? find  a job in a coffee shop or a book store. mom keeps telling me to think about things i want to do with my life when my dreams of being a librarian inevitably turn to dust. and the honest answer? i have no fucking clue. i put so much time and energy into following this dream, and now i can't see myself doing anything else. well, i could do the bookshop/coffeshop route, and probably be perfectly happy, but can i live like that on my own? get a car, afford rent, on minimum wage? i pay dirt cheap rent right now thanks to max, but eventually he'll kick me out and i'll have to find my own place.

being an adult is so stressful, but i am determined not to move back in with my parents. i am 27, damnit. i need to do this.

fuck fuckity fuck. life.

jane smiling
In an attempt to jump-start my life and create some good mojo, (and thanks to the lovely jestingly_yours for the inspiration) I will now list for you things I want in my life in the next few years. Basically, where do I see my life going?

Things to do in the next year:
1) Get a car!!
2) Go to New Orleans next year for my birthday
(Side note: "get a job" is not included on this list, because that is the ultimate goal that will make this stuff happen)

Things to do eventually:
1) Go to the El Dorado Royale with Sister on our 30th birthday.
2) Go to Disney Land/Harry Potter World. Preferably in costume.
3) Find Mr/Mrs Right.
4) Get a sweet pad.
5) Go up in a hot air balloon
6) Become "that cool librarian" everyone always wants to see.
7) Shave my head
8) Get a dog

Okay. That's it for now. We got this, life.

Am I privileged fat?
tom riddle fierce
I keep reading all these articles about women who get harassed for being fat. As if being fat was a good reason to put someone down. Oh yeah, I forgot, we live in a society filled with assholes.) This article in particular is the one that struck me today.
And it made me realize I do not feel victimized because I'm fat. In fact, I have an outpouring of love from most of the people in my life telling me I am supermegafoxyawesomehot. So why don't people follow me down the street in cars and tell me I'm a fat ugly cuntface?

Am I just incredibly lucky? Is Minnesota more friendly than most states? Perhaps fat-hate IS going on, and I'm just super oblivious to all of it. (This is a possibility.) Or maybe I am so sunny that haters take one look at me and cower in fear.

Anyway, I am certainly not complaining about the lack of hate in my life.
I am very lucky to have such wonderful friends/family who love me and accept me as I am.
Thanks everyone! <3

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